UNPOPULAR OPINION: Most of Us Aren't Beautiful So Let's Stop Saying We Are

If I read one more article that tells me I’m beautiful, I think I’m going to puke. Yeah, we’re all beautiful on the inside, but I’m sick of being told that we’re all beautiful on the outside too.

We’re not. Sometimes we’re not beautiful in the “woke-up-late, messy-bun-and-no-time-for-concealer” sort of way. But sometimes we’re just always not beautiful. And trying to lie to ourselves about it is demeaning, disempowering, and, frankly, a waste of time.

Before you send me hate mail, let me elaborate.

A quick Google search for the definition of the word beauty returns the following:

A combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.

With the following sub-definition:

▪ denoting something intended to make a woman more attractive.

Here’s the deal: while beauty is in the eye of the individual beholder, it’s pretty simple to make a societally-accepted generalization about what is beautiful—and therefore who isn’t. (And, re: the sub-definition, how to make “who isn’t” into a semblance of an “is”…for a fee, of course.)

I read an article the other day entitled “Not Everyone is Beautiful” in which the author cites a scientific study on attractiveness to back up the premise that “people are remarkably consistent in their determination of who is attractive and who isn’t, both within and across cultures.”

Okay, so what does that mean? It means that if you don’t fit into that slim category of “who is attractive,” that’s just it. You’re not beautiful, and tough gluten-free cookies. Or, if you refuse to accept that fact, you can re-categorize yourself at your nearest Sephora or plastic surgeon’s office.

I don’t think I’ve EVER understood popular beauty standards. But I’ll be darned if I didn’t try to own it anyway!

We’re drawn to before-and-afters, transformation stories, and reruns of What Not to Wear for a reason: they're proof-positive that you aren’t beautiful as you currently are, that you must change who you are — and as long as you’re willing to shell out the money and spend your free time fixating on your appearance.

As you probably already know, this leads to a lot of angst — and a lot of time spent “fixing" ourselves — especially in our selfie-driven culture (although, who am I kidding, I’m sure this has been an issue as long as we’ve had mirrors and the impulse to profit off of other peoples’ fear of not fitting in).

But what can we do to ameliorate this angst? Clearly, if the marketing and advertising industries are spending all of their time pointing out all of the ways you aren't beautiful, and that’s making you unhappy, then the answer should be to try to convince you that you are already beautiful exactly as you are.

And so the drama begins. For every 10,000 articles in magazines about how to make yourself beautiful in a way that you aren’t, there are another 1000 blog posts about why you you should love yourself because you’re already beautiful, darn it!

For every “she’s-really-that-beautiful-even-without-makeup” profile on a supermodel, there’s an equal-and-opposite mommy blogger writing about loving herself despite the fact that she’ll never be a supermodel.

You too can be beautiful like me. You have to believe you are beautiful as you are. Change, but don’t change. Want, but don’t need.

No wonder we’re all so confused and dissatisfied with our bodies and selves!

So here’s a radical thought: what if I told you that you’re not beautiful?